Academic conference 101: Criticized paper > Unread paper

I recently attended the American Political Science Association’s (APSA) 120th Annual Meeting, September 5-8, 2024 in Philadelphia. As a first-timer, I found APSA interesting, overwhelming, and inspiring at the same time. It was held in 3 different buildings in downtown Philly and hosted approximately 7,000 scholars and experts in the political science discipline. The schedules were super packed. On September 4, the day before the conference started, I attended one of APSA pre-conference programs: Process Tracing method workshop. Numerous panels occurred simultaneously across the 3 conference venues at 8.00-9.30 am, 10.00-11.30 am, 12.00-1.30 pm, 2.00-3.30 pm, and 4.00-5.30 pm. So I could either attend a panel or have my lunch on time! In the evening, business meetings and receptions of various APSA sections took place between 6.30-7.30 pm and 7.30-9.00 pm. There were too many interesting sessions with competing schedules! I had been previously advised by my Professor TP that it would be normal to feel lonely sometimes as everyone else at APSA might look busy, so it is good to prioritize self-care when necessary. There were times I decided to go outside for some fresh air or me-time, rather than attend another panel or reception. Otherwise, it could exhaust me mentally and physically.

I heard it's always sunny in Philadelphia?

I approach an academic conference with three objectives. First, the conference serves as my internal deadline for my dissertation chapter writing and an opportunity to improve it. Second, it provides the opportunity to make connections with others whose research interests and career aspirations match mine. Additionally, it allows me to catch up with a few friends who would come there.

The conference serves as an internal deadline and an opportunity to refine ongoing work.

Begin with the end in mind. I treated APSA as my internal deadline to push me in my dissertation writing. I am working on a three-paper dissertation. It was the first paper that I aimed to present at APSA. I came back from my fieldwork in mid-April and I went backward in setting my timeline: if I have to present my paper at APSA in early September, then the first draft for my Advisor's review has to be available in early July for two-round of feedback to make my paper presentable, which means I need to analyze my data and read literature between May and June!

In terms of feedback on the paper being presented, I would quote what my Professor DS once told me two years ago when I asked him how to approach my research design presentation at Qualitative and Multi-Method Research (IQMR) June 13-24, 2022 at Syracuse University. That was the first in-person workshop for me to meet with 100 other PhD students around the globe after spending my first year of PhD program in my bedroom in Jakarta 2020-2021 during the COVID pandemic. I felt like my social and communication skills waned and I even felt awkward about making small talk during the coffee break. Further, as an international student whose native language is not English, at that time I was afraid I'd look stupid or incompetent among the many bright PhD students around me. I literally asked DS before I went to Syracuse: "Any tips how to deal with imposter syndrome or any feedback including criticism toward my research design ideas?"

"Any chance you get to receive feedback on your dissertation (or other research) from smart people should be taken! This is how you will make your project better, which is the whole point! Not every suggestion you will receive will be on point, but I suspect many will be useful. In responding to feedback, my general advice is to strike a balance between defending your approach and being open to revisions in ways that respond to their feedback. Relatedly, I have always found that the amount of criticism has much more to do with the audience than with the presenter. In other words, whether people tell you that your project is awesome or if they demolish it, unfortunately, says less about the project than with the audience's general approach to giving feedback. (There are some exceptions, but as a generalization I find this is mostly true). So, all the more reasons to not take this personally." DS

I felt grateful for the opportunity to share my dissertation chapter at APSA within the Health Politics Policy section.

Two years after IQMR, I am now ABD (All-But-Dissertation) or a PhD Candidate. My abstract was accepted at APSA and I was thankful to be part of the National and Transnational Global Health Policy: Toward a Healthier World panel within the Health Politics and Policy division. Guess what? It's a junior scholar panel since four of us were all PhD Candidates, which is unusual for a typical APSA panel. I was proud of our panel. I think I presented my paper From Silence to Salience: Why and How Childhood Stunting Became Indonesia’s Priority? at APSA well (two people came up to me afterward and said they enjoyed it). I was happy I delivered my presentation clearly within 12 minutes, after practicing it three times. That is something I can control.

What I cannot control is the feedback from other people. I appreciate the comments from the Discussant during the panel and I asked him for written feedback too, which was helpful. The theoretical backdrop was the least developed part of my paper, so it was not surprising that it required most work to refine it further!

But an academic conference is also the ideal place to invoke an inferiority complex or an imposter phenomenon (not syndrome!) because of two things. First, the more you study, the more you know, and the more you realize how much you don't know -- this is exceptionally germane to academia. Second, everyone around me looks brilliant with many cool research methods I did not know before. How did I overcome such an experience to not consume me?

1. Spiritually, I need to restore my true identity. My work is not my worth. As a Catholic Christian, I believe human beings are primarily made for Love, Labor, and Leisure. Work or labor is a part of the equation. It is something that I do to contribute my impact on other people and the world around me by cultivating my talent and passion, and to pay the bills. I believe we are called to pursue excellence in whatever we do, so I would be careful when saying "yes" because sometimes it's the many NOs that pave the way to a greater YES. "What you are is God's gift to you, what you become is your gift to God,” Hans Urs von Balthasar. In the evening of life, we are however left with the eulogy virtues -- not the resume virtues. I am not my success. I am not my failure. I am God's beloved child.

2. Practically, I need to remember that people today are simply focusing on their own lives and not actually thinking about me. So why would I have an inordinate preoccupation with what others think of me? I am not saying we should not care about what other people think at all. There is some degree to which we should be mindful of what other people think -- that's called "caring". The problem is when we are inordinately preoccupied with what other people think of us -- that's called "vanity". The cure for vanity is humility. In the words of Rick Warren's The Purpose Driven Life, humility is not thinking less of yourself, it is thinking of yourself less. This image was sent by my former manager from Australia, DH, as a powerful reminder to think of myself less, ha!

I am grateful for the opportunity to put my work out there and I now know better how to push it forward. It's a reminder for me to cultivate more humility to be ready to be skeptical about my own work. I think that is how we can progress. After all, a criticized paper is better than an unread paper. So if people can give me ideas for ways to refine my paper and improve aspects of it, I win. *self-satisfied smirk.

The conference helps build connections.

Between September 5-8, during the APSA conference, I attended some panels at which my Professors and some friends talked; some roundtable discussions on (1) the academic job market and (2) the duality of academics as development practitioners; some business meetings and receptions of Southeast Asia Politics and Health Politics and Policy sections. I met 3 female Professors from Indonesia, Vietnam, Hongkong at those receptions and they have strengthened my faith in how international PhD graduates particularly women in color can thrive in academia. Despite encountering a few unfriendly people, in general I enjoyed meeting some Professors and fellow PhD candidates whose research interests and career aspirations match mine. One of my highlights is my one-on-one meeting with a female Professor from the University of Guelph whose recent research on nutrition policy expansion to some extent relates to my current dissertation project. I had fun brainstorming and testing my assumptions with her. We laughed when we found out that we happened to interview a couple of similar stakeholders in Indonesia! I shared with her my struggle that I have pinned down my empirics, and I am currently teasing out the theoretical hook to which my study can make the most theoretical contribution. She showed me empathy by participating in my ideas and feelings. She inspires me with excellence and modesty -- she's not full of herself (I like that in a person). I have always believed that great leaders develop others, and she is one of them. It’s comforting to hear her saying "You've got the empirics. Now you gotta figure out the theoretical piece. This is really challenging, but you can do it!" It's a wake-up call for me to embrace the process and become comfortable to struggle and feel confused at this stage.

The conference enables a little reunion with friends.

Indonesians at APSA 2024.

Surprisingly, the conference presented an opportunity to catch up with some friends whom I knew would attend APSA. The night before the conference, I had a nice dinner with other five Hopkins friends. During the conference, I surprisingly saw some familiar faces. One of them was my friend, a PhD candidate at the National University of Singapore, who traveled all the way from Indonesia. We have not seen each other in person since 2019! We were colleagues and started our respective PhD journeys at the same time. It was great to spend time together with her inside and outside the conference venue, talking about academic and non-academic stuff. Another surprise was to see some friends from IQMR in 2022 and some of us were APSA first-timers too. I had fun catching up with them and learning about their PhD journey which some are on the job market now. As with other things irrespective of whether we are on the PhD journey or not, we all need each other and it is healthy & encouraging to have a sense of community. Yes, joy shared is multiplied and sorrow shared is divided.

Our IQMR little reunion after 2 years was captured by the APSA professional photographer.